Charlie

December 12, 2012

Pegging for Femmes: The Sasha Couture Harness

Filed under: Toy Reviews — Tags: harness, pegging, SpareParts, toy review — Charlie @ 9:07 am

There are lots of ways to enjoy pegging and lots of different harnesses on the market. For some women, wearing a strap-on can be a fun way to explore gender and role play. But other folks want a harness that has a more femme appearance. If that’s you, you’ll want to check out the Sasha Couture Harness.

Made from machine washable fabric, the Sasha brings a much different look to harnesses. The O-ring is integrated into the front panel so there are no snaps to bump into someone’s tender parts. The ribbon ties on the side let you wear it as booty shorts or as high-cut panties, and you can add stockings with the detachable garters or take the straps off if you want a different look. With the decorative trim and ruched accents across the back, the overall look and feel is decidedly different from the usual leather harnesses.

The Sasha can accommodate dildos up to 2 1/4 inch wide, so it’ll work with almost any toy. And there are two pockets for vibrating eggs to give both the wearer and the receiver a little extra thrill. All in all, the Sasha has a whole lot to make pegging as fun as it is stylish!

Most harnesses come with adjustable straps, but the Sasha simply pulls on. That makes it really easy to use, but you do need to pick the right size since the waist strap needs to be snug to give you a solid hold. Fortunately, they make it in a range of sizes:

XS: 26-28 in. (66-71cm)
Small: 29-32 in. (73-81cm)
Medium: 33-37 in. (83-94cm)
Large: 38-40 in. (96-101cm)
XL: 41-44 in. (104-111cm)
2X: 45-48 in. (114-122cm)
3X: 49-52 in. (124-132cm)

Here are some helpful sizing tips from the manufacturer:

Choose your harness size based on both your actual body measurements and body shape, not based on your typical pant or jean size, which varies significantly between brands, designs, and cuts. Please don’t skip this step: the right size harness will give you the most comfort and support, and will always look better than a size that’s just “almost right.”

GET THE CORRECT FIT:

1. Get your lower waist/hip measurement. Wrap a measuring tape around your waist, about 1 inch (2.5 cm) below your pelvic bone. Mark the number where the tape measure completes and crosses over itself.

2. Use that measurement, as well as your body shape, to determine your size. Sasha performs best when your body fills out the harness, so choosing the right size is crucial. You should take your body shape into account before selecting a size. To do so, think of your body in terms of moon phases:

FULL MOON bodies have beautiful, fuller curves.
If you were to view this body shape from the side, you would see a half-moon shape in rear, and a quarter to half-moon shape in front, where the stomach is. If you have a full moon shape…choose the next size up.

THREE-QUARTER MOON bodies have a balance of curves and planes.
If you were to view this body shape from the side, you would see a quarter-moon shape in front and a half-moon shape in rear, or a a flatter front stomach area and a fuller three quarter-moon in rear. This body shape typically has a fuller butt and, sometimes, wider hips. If you have a three-quarter moon shape…choose the next size up.

HALF-MOON bodies are curvier in rear, flatter in front.
If you were to view this body shape from the side, you would see a half-moon shape in rear. If you have a half-moon shape…stay to the size chart.

QUARTER /CRESCENT MOON bodies have gentler, less pronounced curves in rear.
If you were to view this body shape from the side, you would see a quarter (or crescent) shape sloping from the tailbone to the top of the thigh. If you have a quarter/crescent moon shape…choose the next size down. If you have a quarter/crescent moon shape in rear, BUT a quarter to full-moon

If pegging turns you on and you want a harness that’ll coordinate with your lingerie, you can’t do better than the Sasha. Pick one up and see for yourself!

I'm a writer, blogger, teacher, workshop facilitator, sex & relationship coach, and a certified somatic sex educator. I teach workshops and seminars on many different sexuality topics, including sex-positivity, sex & shame, communities of erotic affiliation, many different sexual practices, gender & masculinity, and sexual politics. Contact me for more information, to arrange a speaking engagement, or to find out how I can help you create an amazing sex life.

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December 5, 2012

What Is Prostate Milking?

Filed under: Sex Tips — Tags: prostate massage, prostate milking, sex tip — Charlie @ 9:44 am

One of the tricky things about sex terminology is that a lot of sexual act have multiple terms (think about how many different ways there are to talk about intercourse) and some words have multiple meanings. Prostate milking is one of those phrases that can mean a few different things.

What is Prostate Milking?

For some folks, prostate milking simply means prostate massage. We’ve heard some guys use this phrase to talk about any kind of prostate massage, whether it’s erotic or therapeutic, especially when prostatic fluid is released into the urethra and comes out of the tip of the penis.

Other folks think of prostate milking as the experience of having a prostate orgasm without any direct penis stimulation. This is less common when someone is new to prostate pleasure, and plenty of guys with lots of experience never have that happen. That’s totally ok- it’s similar to how some women can orgasm from G-spot stimulation while others need other sensations to get them over the top.

Still another way to think of prostate milking is a prostate massage technique that’s meant to stroke and squeeze the fluids into the urethra, sort of like wringing out a sponge. Place your finger on the outside edge of the prostate and apply firm pressure, sliding from the edge to the center. Repeat a few times before switching to the other side. This massages the fluids out of the microscopic glands, into the urethra. Follow this up with a top-to-bottom stroke down the center to encourage the fluids out of the prostate.

This last kind of prostate milking can be done for different reasons. Some men simply enjoy the sensations it provides. Some couples do it as part of a BDSM game or role play. And some folks do it for prostate health. The idea is that flushing out fluids and clearing blocked glands helps the body get rid of harmful wastes and pathogens that might cause problems.

Whatever you call it and however you do it, remember that the goal is to feel good. Try a few different techniques or positions and see what works for you. We have lots of tips and ideas in our book!

Charlie

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November 1, 2012

Get Into Position With The Liberator Wedge & Ramp

Filed under: Toy Reviews — Tags: anal intercourse, anal play, pegging, positions, toy review — Charlie @ 5:05 pm

One of the most important things you can do to make anal penetration easy and pleasurable is to be able to relax into it. The muscles of your pelvic floor almost never switch off. In fact, other than your heart, they’re some of the hardest working muscles in your body. The only time they relax (other than when you’re enjoying anal play) is when you go to the bathroom. Otherwise, they’re on the job, all the time.

It takes some practice to learn to turn these muscles off, especially for men since guys often have too-tight pelvic floors. If you spend a lot of time sitting, whether it’s at a desk or in a car, there’s a good chance your muscles have difficulty relaxing unless you learn how to do it. It’ll depend on your body, of course, and what position you’re in. Fortunately, there are some great products that can help a lot.

The Liberator Wedge and Ramp make it much easier to get into a comfortable position and stay there. Sure, you can just use a regular pillow but these offer some advantages that cushions from your couch simply don’t.

Both of these cushions are made from a dense foam, so they hold their shape and give you lots of support. They won’t compress down like your bed pillow does, so once you find the right position, you’ll stay there. Then, there’s a waterproof cover, which keeps the foam clean and unzips so you can toss it in the wash. On top of that, there’s a soft velour cover. Not only does it feel good on your skin, it also keeps the cushion from sliding on your bed when things get vigorous. Of course, it also unzips for easy cleaning.

The Wedge is smaller and it lends itself really well to positions like being on your back. It lifts your hips up for easy access and the angle is just right for pegging and anal intercourse, because having your hips above your shoulders makes penetration easier for the giver and the receiver. And if prostate massage is on the menu, it’s a lot easier for the giver to sit between your legs because you’re up higher.

That’s not all, of course. Since the Wedge gives you plenty of support, you don’t have to work at all to keep your legs in the right position. You might want to support your knees with your hands, but that’s a lot less effort than trying to do it when you’re flat on the bed. That means you can relax more, and that makes the whole experience much easier and more fun.

If you want, you can also turn over and lie across the Wedge, but I think the Ramp makes that work better because you can keep your spine straight instead of being in a back bend. And again, whether you have massage, pegging, or intercourse in mind, you can simply relax and melt into the firm support. You’ll be amazed at how much easier and more fun that makes things!

The Ramp also works if you want to be on your back, but it requires your partner to be tall enough to be able to reach you. It also helps if you have a pillow or the Wedge under your head. Either way, it’s a fantastic way to lie back and have a great time.

If your storage space is limited, get the Wedge since it’s smaller, so you can slide it under the bed. But if you have the room for the Ramp, it’s definitely worth adding to your collection. They both make relaxing into anal play a lot easier. Plus, if you enjoy cunnilingus or spanking, they help for that, too! All in all, these are great products that’ll put a smile on your face.

Charlie

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October 24, 2012

Charm: The Perfect Pegging Dildo

Filed under: Toy Reviews — Tags: dildo, pegging, PleasureWorks, toy review — Charlie @ 9:25 am

I think it’s really great that more male/female couples are exploring pegging. Strap-on harnesses & dildos are a really sexy way to explore prostate play and they leave the giver’s hands free for all sorts of other fun.

The tricky thing is that a lot of dildos that are slim enough to work well for anal and prostate play tend to be too short to work well in a harness. Either they slip out of the receiver too easily or they end up poking into the prostate rather than gliding along it. Ouch! So when Pleasure Works came out with the Charm Silicone Dildo, I knew they had a winner.

The Charm comes in two sizes: 5 3/4″ x 1″ (14.6cm x 2.5cm) and 7″ x 1 1/4″ (17.8cm x 3.2cm). That makes it not much wider than a couple of fingers, so it’s really easy for most men to accommodate. The length makes sure that you get that gliding sensation without accidentally jabbing the prostate with the tip. It also means you can get a solid in-and-out thrusting going without accidentally pulling all the way out. So the Charm works great for the giver and the receiver!

The Charm has enough of a curve to make it easy to reach the prostate. Just angle it towards the belly button of the guy on the receiving end. That means, have the curve pointing up if he’s on his back and pointing down if he’s on his hands and knees. And the base is shaped like an oval (you can’t see it in the picture), so it fits in harnesses even better than the usual circular bases. All in all, the Charm is a fantastic!

Want an extra thrill? Insert the Charm by hand and hold an electric vibrator like the Hitachi Magic Wand up against it. The silicone will transmit the vibration all the way up the shaft! Or slide the Charm in and out with your hand during oral sex or while using your other hand on his penis. It’s a really versatile toy.

Cleaning the Charm is simple. It’s made from non-porous, hypoallergenic, body-safe silicone so you can wash it with hot water and soap. If you want to take it a bit further, after you wash it, put it in boiling water for five minutes or the top rack of a dishwasher.

If you’re looking for a fantastic dildo for prostate pleasure, especially pegging, get the Charm Silicone Dildo. Excellent design, easy to clean, and sure to put a smile in his face!

Charlie

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October 15, 2012

Getting Started With Anal Play? Try the Bootie Plug

Filed under: Toy Reviews — Tags: anal play, anal plug, toy review — Charlie @ 10:32 am

If you’re just starting out with prostate play, you might feel a little nervous about anal penetration. It takes a little know-how to make it feel good, as well plenty of practice. But even guys who have been doing it for a while can sometimes need to take it slow at the beginning of a session. It makes sense- warming up and stretching before a workout at the gym makes a big difference, and there’s no reason that doesn’t apply to anal penetration.

I’m a big fan of the Bootie Silicone Anal Plug for that. The slim profile makes it easy to use and the asymmetric shape makes insertion much smoother than many more traditional anal plugs. The shaft is long enough to fit inside the anal canal, and the bulb is a good size to keep it in place. Plus, the base is quite slim, so it fits comfortably between your butt cheeks.

The Bootie isn’t likely to reach your prostate, but it’s a good way to help your body relax. Since you can leave it in place, you can wear it during solo sex or sex with a partner. Heck- you can even wear it while walking around, though you might want to practice with it at home before going out to a restaurant! If you want a fun time, try having an orgasm while you have it in- that’s a favorite of a lot of guys.

And then, of course, you can always warm up with the Bootie before moving on to a different toy, prostate massage, or pegging. Whether you want to use it on your own or with someone else, the Bootie is a fun toy.

Cleaning the Bootie is easy. Since it’s silicone, it’s non-porous and hot water & soap does a great job. If you want to disinfect it, wash it and then put it in boiling water for five minutes or the top rack of a dishwasher. Couldn’t be much simpler.

So if you like to start off with a slim toy at the beginning of your prostate fun or if you’re just beginning to explore it, pick up a Bootie Silicone Anal Plug at Good Vibrations. See for yourself how much fun it can be!

Charlie

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October 4, 2012

Opening to Receiving

Filed under: Sex Tips — Tags: anal play, masculinity — Charlie @ 10:49 am

“It’s so much easier to be on the giving side. To receive is much harder — one actually has to be more delicate, if I may say so. One has to help people to be more generous. By receiving from others, by letting them help you, you really aid them to become bigger, more generous, more magnanimous. You do them a service.”
-Henry Miller

One of the common concerns that men have when it comes to receiving prostate play or anal penetration is the fear that it implies anything about their masculinity. There are a lot of assumptions about being penetrated. It’s seen as “the woman’s role” or something that gay men do, so straight men are often hesitant to try it.

It’s not only straight guys who worry about it, either. Some top-identified gay dudes think that they can’t bottom because of what that might mean. Of course, for lots of gay and bi guys, it’s simply a matter of preference- there’s a difference between “I don’t want to because I don’t enjoy it/I don’t want to do it right now.” and “I don’t want to because that would make me less macho.” After all, recent research shows that fewer than 40% of gay and bi men had anal sex the last time they had sex. So I’m certainly not going to suggest that everyone has to try it or has to like it or has to do it every time. And yet, if someone won’t do it because he’s afraid of what it might imply about him, he’s missing out on some potentially amazing fun and I think that’s unfortunate.

Part of what I find so important to bring up around this is that the messages that say that receiving penetration is unmanly are all inside our heads. They’re part of the “Act Like a Man” Box and they keep a lot of men from discovering new ways to experience pleasure and have fun. And a lot of men’s partners have told me that they wish that their guys could get over that.

There’s something incredibly powerful about a man who can be fully present in his masculinity while also being open and receptive. Something life-changing happens when you realize that you can let go of the shame, relax, and receive without worrying about being less of a man. In my experience, that’s often part of the process of letting go of the performance model of masculinity and learning to pick and choose which facets of your gender are authentically yours and which are externally imposed. Sure, you can certainly engage in that work without receiving anal play, but there things that the embodied experience can teach you that no amount of talking or processing ever can. It’s a profoundly transformative experience that can’t really be described- you just have to lean into the scary places and see for yourself.

And let’s not forget that learning to receive makes more room to discover the amazing pleasures of prostate play. When it comes to sexual pleasure, the prostate is very similar to the G-spot. Men who have tried prostate stimulation often say that the orgasms feel more expansive or bigger. They might learn how to have multiple (non-ejaculatory) orgasms, riding wave after wave of pleasure. And lots of men have discovered that it has made them better lovers and more attuned to their partner’s bodies and desires. If that’s not a great incentive, I don’t know what is!

Letting these inflexible notions of what it means to be a man keep you from experiencing something so amazing seems like a pity to me. I know that it can be scary. And I’ve also talked with enough men of all sexual orientations who have discovered incredible pleasure once they let go of these ideas to know how powerful that experience can be. So my suggestion to you is to try it out. You might really be surprised by how much fun you can have and how much it can change your entire perspective on what it means to be a man.

Charlie

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September 20, 2012

Kegels Make Prostate Play Easier

Filed under: Prostate Health — Tags: kegels, sexual health — Charlie @ 1:15 pm

from the Magnus Hirschfeld Archive for Sexology

It’s a pretty good bet that if you’ve heard of Kegel exercises, you’ve only heard about them for women. After all, there have been plenty of articles that talk about how strengthening the PC muscle can help women who experience urinary incontinence, improve sexual response, and intensify orgasms. But did you know that men have PC muscles, too?

The pubococcygeus muscle runs from the pubic bone in front to the coccyx in back. It’s a hammock-like muscle, with openings for the rectum and urethra. It’s one of the muscles that propels semen during ejaculation and if you’ve ever made your penis bounce when you had an erection, the PC muscle is probably what was doing it.

It’s pretty common for men to have PC muscles that are both tight and weak. If you spend too much time sitting at a desk or in a car, you can put a lot of pressure on the muscle and that can make it lose tone, which can have several different effects on sexual response. For example, if the PC muscle gets tired easily, your orgasms will be both shorter and less intense. It can also lead to erection difficulties, and it can make anal penetration more challenging. Fortunately, it’s easy to deal with.

The first step is to figure out how to squeeze the PC muscle. The best way to do that is to sit on the toilet and start to urinate. Then, stop the flow. That muscle you used was the PC. Once you know how to isolate it, you can squeeze and relax it to build tone. You don’t want to do that by stopping the flow of urine- that’s just for the first time to make sure you found the right muscle. The exercises are called Kegels since Dr. Arnold Kegel published the first research paper on them in 1948.

Some easy ways to tone the muscle once you’ve found it are:

squeeze & release on a two-count
squeeze & release on a four-count
squeeze and hold, followed by a release
butterflies- quick squeezes followed by a release

It’s important to release and relax the PC muscle. You definitely don’t want to cause muscle spasms. And as a personal trainer will tell you, letting the muscle rest is how it builds tone.

But more important than that, when you can control the PC muscle and help it relax, you make receiving anal penetration easier. That’s because it’s all about relaxing the pelvic floor, not forcing it to stretch. Kegel exercises are a great way to learn how to do that “on command,” so it becomes much easier to do prostate play. You might also find that your orgasms last longer since the muscles don’t get tired as quickly, and you might also have firmer erections, too.

Of course, it can be hard to remember to do your Kegel exercises or to do them right. If you have an iphone, check out the app Kegel Camp, created by Emily Morse of the Sex With Emily podcast. It’ll remind you each day to do your Kegels and you have to complete each level five times within a week to ramp up to the next one. With 20 levels to do, it’s an excellent way to make sure you don’t overdo it. Plus, the app comes with a discount code for 15% off at Good Vibrations, where you can find lots of amazing prostate toys, lubricants, and more!

One important thing to know about Kegels: if you’re experiencing pelvic pain or muscle spasms, it’s a good idea to get that checked before toning the PC muscle. Tightening muscles that are already too tight can make it worse. Remember- the goal is to be able to both squeeze and relax. I highly recommend the Pelvic Health Rehabilitation Center for that. They work with people of all genders who are dealing with pelvic pain and they’re available for phone consultation. If you can’t make it to one of their offices, I’d trust any recommendation of theirs for a resource in your area.

Whether you’re new to prostate pleasure or you’ve been doing it for a while, try doing your Kegels. And we’d love to hear from you about how it affected things. Drop us a note or comment below and let us know how Kegels changed your prostate fun!

Charlie

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September 13, 2012

Want To Try Prostate Play? Start With The Aneros MGX

Filed under: Toy Reviews — Tags: Aneros, toy review — Charlie @ 9:19 am

Whether you’re starting out with prostate play or you’ve been at it for a while and want to try something new, the Aneros MGX Prostate Massager is one of the best toys around. In fact, it was one of the first toys specifically designed for prostate play and it quickly became a lot of guy’s favorites!

What Makes The Aneros MGX So Good?

First off, it’s an ideal size for a beginner’s anal toy. It’s slim, but the neck is just narrow enough to keep it in place and it’s long enough that it extends past the anal sphincters. That makes it a bit more resistant to slipping out than some of the smaller buttplugs out there. Second, it’s made from a hard plastic, so it’s easy to clean with soap and water. You can use any lubricant with it- water-based, non-water-based, silicone or oil.

How It Works

Since it looks a bit different than many products out there, some folks find the Aneros MGX a bit confusing. The base of it is kind of s-shaped and that’s central to using it. One side of the base is curved up (on the left side of the picture above) and when you have it inserted properly, this rests right in the center of the perineum, on the bulb of your penis. When you squeeze your PC muscle, whether voluntarily or not, the shaft is levered against your prostate, giving you hands-free prostate stimulation!

The prostate itself has a groove running from top to bottom on the back side. The shaft of the MGX is shaped to fit right in in that groove. You’ll get a stronger pressure if your penis is erect since the base of the penis extends into the perineum and if you want to squeeze it on purpose, it’s the muscle you contract when you make your erection bounce. It’s also one of the muscles that squeezes during ejaculation, which makes for a really intense sensation right when everything is the most sensitive.

Some other useful tips about the Aneros MGX: it’s really easy to combine with lots of sexual possibilities. You can use it during oral sex, masturbation, sexual massage and intercourse. Just about the only position it doesn’t work in is sitting because the other part of the base curves away from the body in order to give you a handle for taking it out. And every time you move your hips, the Aneros will move- rock your hips from side to side and it massages the prostate from side to side. Rock from front to back and it does the same. You can even hold a vibrator against it for a really wild ride.

There are zillions of G-spot toys out there these days and many of them work just fine for prostate play as well- just look for something anal safe and you’re good to go. But since the Aneros MGX is designed specifically for prostate pleasure, a lot of guys say that it works even better.

Other Choices

Aneros also makes some other models, which offer some different sensations. The Aneros Progasm is a bit thicker, which spreads the pressure out a bit more. The Aneros Helix Classic has a wider head for more prostate contact. And the Aneros Eupho Classic’s thin stem makes it more agile and responsive to your PC contractions, though you need well-developed muscles to get the most from this model.

If you’re not sure which one to get, start off with the MGX. It’s the ideal size and shape for beginners and has a lot of fans. And if you’ve tried it, let us know what you think!

Charlie

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August 13, 2012

Our Book Is Coming Soon!

Filed under: Book News — Charlie @ 1:00 pm

The Ultimate Guide to Prostate Pleasure will be released in January 2013, just in time to give your sweetie a Valentine’s Day treat! It’s currently available for pre-sale on Amazon, and we’ll announce updates as soon as we have information. If you’d like to get notifications, follow us on Facebook, Twitter, Google+, or subscribe to our blog to receive news and updates!

P-spot Book Your How-to Guide on Prostate Massage and Prostate Milking

December 12, 2012

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December 5, 2012

What is Prostate Milking?

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November 1, 2012

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October 24, 2012

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October 15, 2012

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October 4, 2012

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September 20, 2012

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September 13, 2012

What Makes The Aneros MGX So Good?

How It Works

Other Choices

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August 13, 2012

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