P-spot Book Your How-to Guide on Prostate Massage and Prostate Milking

July 3, 2013

Troubleshooting Your Pegging Gear

Filed under: Sex Tips,Toy Reviews — Tags: , , , , , , — Charlie @ 4:51 pm

Here’s a question that came in via Facebook:

We need a good harness and dildo. I know there’s issues with dildo materials being toxic, which is why I am hesitant to shop online. If you have recommendations I’d be thrilled.

The other issue I’ve had in the past has been dildo angle. Most harnesses cause a dildo to angle downward. I find this make anal insertion very problematic. A few dildos have an upward bend and this helps, but the harness tends to undo most of this.

Has anyone addressed this with a 45° upward harness? I think this would be a great invention. Most penises tend to angle upward like this; it makes insertion much easier for most positions.

OK, let’s take this one piece at a time. You’re right to be careful about what kinds of toys you use. For a long time, many sex toy manufacturers sold vibrators, dildos, and buttplugs that contained phthalates. These are chemicals that are used to soften plastics and they’re commonly used in shower curtains, linoleum floors, and many other household items. Several years ago, there was some research suggesting that they weren’t safe for use in baby products like teething rings because they caused neurological problems in young rats. This led to some understandable concern within the sex toy world, although the one piece of research that I’m aware of concluded that they are safe for up to one hour of use per day, except for pregnant or nursing women.

Nevertheless, a lot of people were worried about it, which led to some changes in the sex toy industry. Good Vibrations took the lead in discontinuing these products in 2007, and many other companies followed suit. Eventually most toy manufacturers stopped using phthalates, which is why you’ll sometimes see “phthalate-free” on the package.

Having said all that, if you pick a high-quality silicone dildo, like those made by Vixen Creations and Pleasure Works, you don’t need to be worried about it because they don’t use phthalates. Plus, these dildos are non-porous, so they’re easy to clean with soap and water. If you want to take it a step further, wash your dildo and then put it in boiling water for five minutes or the top rack of a dishwasher. (I’m a big fan of the Charm, and not just because I helped design it.)

So once you have a dildo picked out, you need to pick a harness that’ll work. You’re right that the shape of the dildo is important, especially since you’ll find that a curved toy works better for hitting the prostate. But it can be tricky to get the right angle. That’s usually due to the harness not holding the base firmly enough, or because of the angle of the wearer’s pelvis. Let’s take that one at a time.

Ideally, the base of the dildo should be right up against the wearer’s body. That means that you want a harness that’ll fit snugly enough to give solid support. It can be difficult if you like larger toys since the weight of the dildo will tend to pull it down, but you can minimize that if you find a harness with a good fit.

The Velvet Harness is a great one to start with since it’s super adjustable and reasonably priced. Get the base of the dildo on the wearer’s pubic bone. If it’s too low on her body, it’ll hang at the wrong angle. Adjust the waist strap, and then the thigh straps to get it firmly in place.

If you want a harness that looks a bit fancier and feels better for the wearer, try the Joque Harness by SpareParts. The material is softer and the wider waist strap often feels more comfortable. And while this harness rides a bit lower, the fabric is reinforced to minimize drooping. Some folks worry about it not holding the dildo as firmly against the body, but SpareParts does that on purpose because the base of the dildo will press into the clitoris with each thrust. A lot of women discover that they can even orgasm from pegging with one of these. And if you want something with a different look, check out the other gorgeous harnesses they make.

But even with the right harness, a dildo might hang down at a difficult angle. For some women, that’s because of the tilt of their pelvis. If someone’s hips tilt forward, their pubic bone will be pointing at a downward angle, which is going to make it more difficult to keep their dildo pointed upward. Stretching the lower back and strengthening the abs can help, but not for everyone.

The Bump And Grinder silicone dildo is angled upwards, and the base is designed to give extra clitoral stimulation to the wearer. I haven’t spoken to anyone who’s used it, and I’m curious to know if it works as it’s intended. I’d also like to hear about those ridges behind the head.

If your favorite dildo is tricky to get at the right angle, you can also play around with positions to make it easier. If the guy who’s receiving is on his back, put a pillow under his hips to lift his ass up. The Liberator Wedge and Ramp can help. (Here’s my review of them.) And you can also try holding the dildo by hand until it gets inserted, at which point, the receiver’s body will support it.

I hope that helps!

 

Charlie

Charlie

I'm a writer, blogger, teacher, workshop facilitator, sex & relationship coach, and a certified somatic sex educator. I teach workshops and seminars on many different sexuality topics, including sex-positivity, sex & shame, communities of erotic affiliation, many different sexual practices, gender & masculinity, and sexual politics. Contact me for more information, to arrange a speaking engagement, or to find out how I can help you create an amazing sex life.

More Posts - Website

Follow Me:
TwitterFacebookLinkedInGoogle Plus

May 9, 2013

Prostate Massage Without Penetration: The Sweet Spot

Filed under: Sex Tips — Tags: , , — Charlie @ 2:26 pm

I often get asked whether anal penetration is the only way to do prostate massage. You might be surprised to hear that the answer is no. You can do lots of fun prostate play by massaging the perineum, which is the area between the balls and the anus.
The prostate is a few inches above the perineum, so the sensations from a firm massage get transmitted through the muscles and other tissues in between, into the prostate. It’s not as intense as when you do anal penetration. Think of it like massaging someone’s shoulders when they’re wearing a sweater versus bare skin. But it’s a great way to add a little extra something to oral sex, or to try prostate sensations if you’re nervous about anal play, or if you just want to enjoy prostate pleasure but don’t feel like getting out the gloves and lube. In fact, so many guys enjoy it that we like calling it the “sweet spot.” Besides, that’s a much sexier name than “perineum.”

Massaging the sweet spot is more likely to feel good on your prostate if your penis is erect since the firmer tissue will transmit sensation more deeply. Finding the right point can take a little exploration. Put one or two fingertips right behind the scrotum and push in firmly. Hold for a few seconds before releasing, and then try a spot a little further towards the anus. Try different amounts of pressure, but don’t press so much that it’s uncomfortable. For most men, the sweet spot is closer to the anus than the balls, but it can vary.

What you’re looking for is an area where the pressure feels a bit different. It might feel like a slight tingle or other subtle sensation, especially if you’ve never done any direct prostate stimulation. It can be easier to find the sweet spot if you’ve also done prostate massage with anal penetration since you’ll be more familiar with where it is and how it feels.

Try doing long presses with your fingertips, or hold deep pressure and vibrate your fingers quickly. You can also try small circles, as long as you’re careful to not scratch with your fingernails. Some guys like to sit on a tennis ball or rolled up socks. And if you have a Magic Wand Vibrator (formerly known as the Hitachi), the super strong vibrations are perfect for sweet spot massage. Try it with a Silicone Pop Top for some fun variations on the texture.

If you’re doing this on a partner, you can try all of those tips, on their own or during oral sex or a handjob. You can also press deeply with the heel of your hand, or even make a fist and roll your knuckles over the area as if you were kneading dough. And if you’re doing prostate massage with a couple of fingers inside him, use your thumb or your other hand to stimulate his sweet spot.

It may take a while to feel the sweet spot, during this session or over the course of several sessions, so don’t give up right away. Have fun doing whatever you normally do, and let this exploration be the icing on the cake. Be sure to keep up familiar forms of stimulation so that the arousal stays high.

If you are looking all over the perineum and can’t find anything, take a break. Do something else you enjoy and try again in five or ten minutes. You might also try massaging the perineum during ejaculation. Since the prostate is most swollen and sensitive at that point, it’s more sensitive to pressure. Just remember- this is about feeling good, so don’t stress if it doesn’t happen right away. Have fun!

Charlie

Charlie

I'm a writer, blogger, teacher, workshop facilitator, sex & relationship coach, and a certified somatic sex educator. I teach workshops and seminars on many different sexuality topics, including sex-positivity, sex & shame, communities of erotic affiliation, many different sexual practices, gender & masculinity, and sexual politics. Contact me for more information, to arrange a speaking engagement, or to find out how I can help you create an amazing sex life.

More Posts - Website

Follow Me:
TwitterFacebookLinkedInGoogle Plus

April 12, 2013

Add A Little Extra To Pegging With These Great Toys

Filed under: Sex Tips,Toy Reviews — Tags: , , , , , , , — Charlie @ 10:03 am

I get a lot of questions from women who want to try pegging or who have given it a shot, and want to get a little more pleasure out of the experience. Of course, lots of women get off on the experience of pegging, even if they don’t get much direct physical stimulation from it. But there are also some great toys that will give you some extra action.

Some harnesses let you place the base of your dildo low enough down that it rests on your clitoris. That means that every thrust presses it into you, which can be enough in itself for some women. I even know one dedicated harness user who added a clitoral hood piercing so that the bead on the ring would hit the spot. Now, that’s not something that everyone will want to do, but it does show how creative people get when it comes to sex!

Low-rise harnesses will work better for this, and Spareparts makes some awesome ones. The Tomboi and the Sasha are especially good because they’re designed to have a little stretch. When you pull back, the base of the dildo move a little away from your body, so when you push back in, you’ll get even more sensation. (Here’s a review of the Sasha.) One of the great features of these harnesses is that they simply pull on, so they’re super easy to use. They’re also machine-washable, making clean up a snap. I also like how the ring that holds the dildo is sewn in, rather that being held in by straps, because there aren’t any snaps to bump into anyone’s tender parts. A lot of women who have used these harnesses have said that they were able to orgasm from the clitoral stimulation, which makes pegging awesome!

Another great choice is the Feeldoe. You insert the bulb into your vagina and use your PC muscles to hold it there while using the other end on your partner. There’s also a vibrator for added fun, as well as small ridges to press against your clitoris. And just so you know, the shaft isn’t as long as it looks in the photo because the wearer’s body takes up a few inches of it. The insertable portion is about 6 inches (15 cm) long.

The Feeldoe can be a little tricky to hold onto, and the difficulty is that making the bulb bigger also makes it less comfortable for some women. If it slips out at the wrong moment, try wearing the Feeldoe in a low-rise harness to get a little extra support. It’s a great combination.

Want some other choices? Some harnesses like the Vibrating Corsette Harness have a mini vibrator that slips into a pocket in the front pad. If you enjoy vibrators, these can be a fantastic way to get some extra stimulation. These harnesses are super adjustable, machine washable, and quite comfortable. They’re also a great choice if you’re new to pegging because they cost less than some other models. That makes them a good starter harness for a lot of folks. Plus, the wider strap across the back looks really sexy.

If you like G-spot pleasure, take a look at the Smartballs. They have a small marble that rolls around inside of them. Insert them into your vagina and each time you move your hips, you’ll get a little hands-free G-spot action. The single ball might be easier for some women, especially during pegging, but if you want a lot of stimulation, try the double. The Smartballs are coated in body-safe silicone (including the string), so washing them is easy. I’ve also heard from some women who wear them when they go out dancing.

Speaking of toys that work well for pegging and for dancing, check out the Club Vibe. It looks like a standard bullet vibrator, but the battery pack picks up on any background noise to control the vibrator. It works really well at at club since each beat of the music will make it pulse. But you can also have a great time with it during sex since every time you or your partner makes a sound, the vibrator will switch on. There’s a lot of potential for a feedback loop: the more noise you make, the more it vibrates and the more it vibrates, the better it feels. Just don’t wake up the neighbors!

The Club Vibe 2.0 is a bit bigger, and it’s designed to slip into a pair of panties for a night out on the town. But I bet it would work really well with the Tomboi or Sasha harnesses. (I haven’t had anyone test this yet, so if you’ve given it a try, I’d love to hear how it worked.)

Don’t forget that lots of women enjoy anal play, too. You can wear a butt plug while pegging your partner. Just make sure that the bulb is wide enough relative to the neck to stay in during vigorous action. The Bootie Plug (reviewed here) and the larger Bootsy Plug both have an asymmetric shape that makes it easier to insert. Rather than going straight in, try sliding them in on a C-curve that follows the shape of the toy. The slim base means that you can put your legs in any position without losing the toy.

As you can see, there are lots of ways to make sure that pegging is as fun for you as it is for him. It takes a little creativity and some experimentation, but it’s definitely worth it. After all, sex is even more fun when you’re both seeing fireworks. Have fun!

Charlie

Charlie

I'm a writer, blogger, teacher, workshop facilitator, sex & relationship coach, and a certified somatic sex educator. I teach workshops and seminars on many different sexuality topics, including sex-positivity, sex & shame, communities of erotic affiliation, many different sexual practices, gender & masculinity, and sexual politics. Contact me for more information, to arrange a speaking engagement, or to find out how I can help you create an amazing sex life.

More Posts - Website

Follow Me:
TwitterFacebookLinkedInGoogle Plus

April 9, 2013

Three Ways To Give An Amazing Prostate Massage

Filed under: Sex Tips — Tags: , — Charlie @ 10:12 am

Prostate massage can be one of the most incredible sexual experiences. Fingers are incredibly sensitive and versatile, so you can give your partner all sorts of different pleasures. Here are some tips to supercharge your techniques.

First, more isn’t always better. It’s easy to fall into the trap of thinking that if a little is good, more will rock your guy’s world, but that’s not how it works. Think of it like music. You want it loud enough to hear, but not so loud that it hurts your ears. When you press too firmly on the prostate, you want that middle zone, too.

That can be a little tricky because when you get excited, it’s easy to go harder or faster than feels good for your partner. Try playing some music with a steady beat to keep you on your rhythm. If you catch yourself speeding up, just listen to the music to catch the right tempo! Go for something in the range of 110-120 beats per minute. Here’s a website that lists lots of different genres of music, sorted by speed. Find a few of your favorite songs and make a prostate playlist!

The same thing applies when we’re talking about how much pressure to use. Each guy is a bit different, so you’ll need to experiment. And how much pressure he likes will vary as his prostate engorges and the sensations change. Start off with about as much force as you use when you type, and then play with slightly less and a bit more. With some experimentation, you can zero in on what works for him. Just remember that there’s a maximum, after which it can become uncomfortable.

Second, change things up every so often. When you do the same thing over and over, the nerves get used to it and it stops feeling as good. It’s rather like tickling someone- if you don’t vary your technique, it’ll stop working. Every couple of minutes, switch up what you’re doing- tapping, circles, jostling, the “come hither” strokes (we describe three of them in our book). There are lots of different finger moves, so you have a lot to play with.

You can also change the intensity. When you go from deeper touch to softer, or the other way around, you’ll catch his attention and keep him focused on the pleasure. Or try your finger moves on different parts of the prostate. It’s big enough that you can work on one side and then the other, or the deeper portion and then the shallower portion. You can work the entire gland, and then just one area. You both might be surprised at how good that can feel.

Having said all that, when he’s getting close to orgasm, don’t vary what you’re doing. Stick with it because changing things up at that point can derail the process and actually lower the pleasure right when you want it most.

And lastly, ask him to tell you how it feels. The best way for you to know what effect your fingers are having is to get him to let you know. One good way to do that is pretty similar to getting your eyes checked. Do one technique for 15-20 seconds, and then do another one. Have him tell you which one he liked more. Another method is to have him tell you on a scale of 1-10 how much he’s enjoying what you’re doing. Each time you vary the technique, tempo, or pressure, ask him again. That’ll give you plenty of useful info for future sessions. Just remember that how he rates each technique might change as he moves through his arousal cycle.

So there you have it. Three easy ways to make prostate massage incredible. Pick up a copy of The Ultimate Guide to Prostate Pleasure (available in paperback and Kindle) for lots more tips and all the info you need to discover new ways to enjoy prostate play. Have fun!

Charlie

Charlie

I'm a writer, blogger, teacher, workshop facilitator, sex & relationship coach, and a certified somatic sex educator. I teach workshops and seminars on many different sexuality topics, including sex-positivity, sex & shame, communities of erotic affiliation, many different sexual practices, gender & masculinity, and sexual politics. Contact me for more information, to arrange a speaking engagement, or to find out how I can help you create an amazing sex life.

More Posts - Website

Follow Me:
TwitterFacebookLinkedInGoogle Plus

April 4, 2013

Does Anal Sex Cause Hemorrhoids?

Filed under: Sex Tips — Tags: , , — Charlie @ 10:59 pm

Here’s a question I got on Facebook:

Do you have a grasp of the research on the link between anal sex as a cause for hemorrhoids? Any chance you’ve encountered something like a metastudy?

Some sex educators and columnists claim there’s no link. And I see some medical sites do claim a link, but these same sites also use weirdly moralizing tones about anal sex (i.e. it’s not natural, not designed for sex, etc).

While there’s not much good research on the topic, here’s what I can tell you.

Hemorrhoids are like varicose veins, but instead of happening in the legs, they happen in the blood vessels in the anus. They can occur when the pelvic and anal muscles are too tight, which traps blood in the veins, so they bulge out, sort of like a bicycle innertube pushing out through a weak spot in the tire. There are different reasons people get them such as constipation causing them to squeeze extra hard when they have a bowel movement, the extra pressure on the pelvic floor during pregnancy, or long term stress making the pelvic muscles tighten for extended periods without relaxing (especially during prolonged sitting or driving). Unfortunately, a minor case of hemorrhoids can be uncomfortable, causing an itching or burning sensation. That feeling can, in turn, make the anus tighten further and create an ongoing cycle of discomfort and muscle tension.

Some folks wonder whether anal sex can cause hemorrhoids, but when it’s done correctly, anal sex can actually help you avoid them by helping the pelvic floor to relax. The trick is to never go further than your body is capable of enjoying because if you do, it’ll make the muscles tighten up. In fact, mild cases of hemorrhoids can be helped by gentle anal massage, in much the same way that any tight muscles can be encouraged to relax through massage. I’m talking about a finger, a slim buttplug, or perhaps one of the Aneros products. The goal is to be very slow, and very mild. It’s not about sexual stimulation as much as soft touch. Given the discomfort, you probably don’t want to have much anal play when you have a case of hemorrhoids, anyway. If you’re experiencing hemorrhoids, it can also help to slip on a glove and lubricate the anus a before bowel movement in order to reduce how much you need to squeeze. That’s especially beneficial if you’re having constipation or for pregnant women.

It is possible for anal sex to lead to hemorrhoids when it’s not done right. If, for example, you don’t use enough lubricant or if you go faster than your body prefers, you can end up irritating the sensitive anal tissues. That can cause the muscles to tighten up in response to the discomfort, which can lead to hemorrhoids. Anecdotally, I’ve heard of this happening when folks are drunk or stoned past the point of being able to pay attention to the signals during sex that would be telling them to add lube or slow down. The same thing can happen when the receiver doesn’t feel comfortable telling their partner what they need during anal sex. And if you have a minor case of hemorrhoids, anal play can irritate them and make them worse.

So the answer to your question is: sort of. Anal sex really does require a fair bit of know-how to do safely and pleasurably, just as lifting weights needs to be done correctly to avoid injury. That’s why we have a whole chapter devoted just to that in our book.

And yes, a lot of people do have some unfortunate anal-phobic attitudes. That doesn’t mean that they know what they’re talking about. After all, lifting weights isn’t all that “natural” either, but I’ve never heard anyone say that people shouldn’t do it on that account. So don’t let those attitudes get in your way. Listen to your body, follow the pleasure, and have fun!

If you have questions about any kind of sex or sexual health issue, drop me a note through our contact form, through my website, or through Facebook. I’m always happy to track down info and help you have the best sex you can!

Charlie

Charlie

I'm a writer, blogger, teacher, workshop facilitator, sex & relationship coach, and a certified somatic sex educator. I teach workshops and seminars on many different sexuality topics, including sex-positivity, sex & shame, communities of erotic affiliation, many different sexual practices, gender & masculinity, and sexual politics. Contact me for more information, to arrange a speaking engagement, or to find out how I can help you create an amazing sex life.

More Posts - Website

Follow Me:
TwitterFacebookLinkedInGoogle Plus

April 1, 2013

Supercharge Your Prostate Massage With The Hello Touch By Jimmyjane

Filed under: Toy Reviews — Tags: , , , — Charlie @ 10:10 am

I’m a big fan of prostate massage and there are a lot of great finger moves to drive your partner wild. And of course, there are plenty of fun vibrators for when you want to switch things up. Now, you can do both at the same time, for an experience that’s unlike anything else.

The Hello Touch by Jimmyjane isn’t the first fingertip vibrator, but it’s the best one yet. There’s a super slim vibe inside each of the two silicone pads which are connected to the battery pack. Just slip the battery pack onto your wrist and then put the vibes on. The vibration is more rumbly than buzzy, so it penetrates deeply and creates an amazing sensation. And it’s remarkably quiet, so unlike many battery vibrators, you don’t have to worry about anyone hearing you. Though the odds are that you’ll be making plenty of noise when you use it.

You can wear one vibe on your index and one on your middle finger for broader stimulation on the prostate, or put one on your index finger and the other on your thumb so you can massage the prostate and the perineum at the same time. Both options are pretty amazing. Using it is pretty intuitive- just do what you would usually do when you give a prostate massage.

Although Jimmyjane says that you can simply wash the vibes after use, I recommend putting them on and then slipping a glove on. It works best with larger gloves since your usual gloves might be a bit too snug to slip on over the fingerpads. In most circumstances, gloves that are too large for your hand bunch up and the folds make an in-and-out motion less pleasant, but the Hello Touch works best without that particular movement because you want constant contact. So don’t worry about folds from the gloves irritating the anus.

Insertion is a bit trickier since the pads add a little size to your fingertip. I suggest getting warmed up to the point of being able to accommodate two fingers before putting the vibe inside. (Yes, that means taking off your gloves and then using fresh ones, or using your other hand.) The vibration feels pretty amazing on the anus, even before you slip your fingers inside, so don’t forget to do lots of external massage. The Hello Touch is an amazing way to warm up for anal penetration.

Once you have the vibrator pads on the prostate, you’ll probably find that it works best when you have constant touch. So the “come hither” motion doesn’t work as well as maintaining contact and varying the pressure. Or move in circles, slide down from the deep end of the prostate, or use one finger to keep the vibrator touching the prostate while another finger curls and taps it. Any of those will work better than an on-and-off massage technique, and when you find the right one for your partner, he’ll definitely let you know. If you’re a fan of prostate milking, you’ll love the Hello Touch.

One of the big reasons I like this toy is that you can still get the closeness and connection of prostate massage, while also having the fun of a vibrator. Don’t get me wrong- I like other prostate vibrators, too. But they do lack that direct intimacy of two bodies in contact, and the Hello Touch allows that.

As amazing as the Hello Touch is, I do think there’s room for improvement. I’d like to be able to change the speed. After a while, the prostate gets used to a consistent level of stimulation and ramping up or down can intensify things. I’d also like to have the choice of pulsing the vibration, for the same reason. But you can always turn the vibrator off and continue the massage for a few minutes to let your partner’s body reset itself. When you turn it back on, it’ll feel more sensitive.

A few folks have reported that the silicone bands that hold the vibrators on your fingers are too tight. They stretch out pretty quickly, but if your fingers are large, rubber band a few pencils together and slip the vibrator over them for a while to loosen them up. And the company says that larger fingerbands and wristbands are available upon request. Hopefully, they’ll be in stores soon, too.

If you want some other uses for the Hello Touch, don’t forget that it can be just as fun to use it on the G-spot as on the prostate! Or play with your partner’s nipples, clitoris, or penis. Use it on the testicles and perineum during a blow job. Just be sure to take the glove off after it’s been inside someone’s ass before doing anything else with it! And women who enjoy clitoral vibration during intercourse will find that the slim profile makes this toy really easy to use in most sex positions.

The Hello Touch is made from high quality, body-safe silicone, and it’s phthalate-free. It’s also waterproof for easy cleaning, and runs for up to six hours on 2 AAA batteries. Jimmyjane offers a three year limited warranty, just in case. And the whole toy is small enough to make it easy to travel with, but be sure to take the battery pack out before packing it. There’s no reason to make TSA suspicious of your vibrating suitcase.

Jimmyjane makes some of the most well-designed and exciting sex toys and the Hello Touch is no exception. Pick yours up today and see for yourself how much fun is at your fingertips!

Charlie

Charlie

I'm a writer, blogger, teacher, workshop facilitator, sex & relationship coach, and a certified somatic sex educator. I teach workshops and seminars on many different sexuality topics, including sex-positivity, sex & shame, communities of erotic affiliation, many different sexual practices, gender & masculinity, and sexual politics. Contact me for more information, to arrange a speaking engagement, or to find out how I can help you create an amazing sex life.

More Posts - Website

Follow Me:
TwitterFacebookLinkedInGoogle Plus

March 10, 2013

The Aneros Peridise: A Great Way to Explore Anal Penetration

Filed under: Toy Reviews — Tags: , , , — Charlie @ 3:35 pm

It’s not often that we see a truly innovative product, but the folks at Aneros have another winner!

The Peridise is a fairly slim anal toy with an unusual design. Its shape causes the anus to relax much more than almost any other toy by stimulating involuntary peristaltic contractions. Peristalsis is the rhythmic contraction of the smooth muscles of the digestive system. Sometimes, the anus is held so tightly that it misses out on these contractions. We might hold too tightly in this part of the body for any of a number of reasons, but whatever the cause, it can hinder arousal, make anal play less pleasant, and just be uncomfortable.

When you insert the Peridise (use plenty of lube, please!), it gently stimulates the anal muscles to relax and reconnect to the peristaltic reflex. It also increases blood flow to the anus, which can heighten arousal and create some amazing sensations. The Peridise can help you develop greater awareness of your anal muscles and the subtle and amazingly pleasurable stimulation that anal play can offer. And the more you can tune into how anal stimulation feels, the easier it is to relax the muscles, which makes anal play more fun and allows for more intense prostate pleasure.

When you purchase the Peridise, you’ll get two models of slightly different sizes. Unlike most anal toys, the larger one is the starter one. Think of how much easier it is to hold a pen than a needle and you’ll understand why. The Peridise is made of hard plastic, so clean-up is a breeze and you can use any lubricant with it. At only 4″ (10cm) long, it’s an easy way to explore anal play.

The Peridise feels amazing on its own or when combined with genital stimulation, whether solo or with a partner. And unlike the Aneros MGX or their other products which are specifically designed for prostate play, the Peridise can be used by anyone who wants to enhance anal play. For beginners, it can help you develop the awareness to make penetration more fun. Folks with more experience with any play will be surprised at how much pleasure this toy can offer. Whether you’re new to anal play or a backdoor expert, you’ve never felt anything quite like the Peridise. Get yours today!

Charlie

Charlie

I'm a writer, blogger, teacher, workshop facilitator, sex & relationship coach, and a certified somatic sex educator. I teach workshops and seminars on many different sexuality topics, including sex-positivity, sex & shame, communities of erotic affiliation, many different sexual practices, gender & masculinity, and sexual politics. Contact me for more information, to arrange a speaking engagement, or to find out how I can help you create an amazing sex life.

More Posts - Website

Follow Me:
TwitterFacebookLinkedInGoogle Plus

February 25, 2013

Think Harnesses Are Just For Women? Check Out The Deuce Harness For Men!

Filed under: Toy Reviews — Tags: , , , , — Charlie @ 11:44 am

A Harness for Men?

Most folks assume that the only people wearing strap-on dildos are women and transgender men. And while it’s true that those are probably the most likely harness users, cisgender men can also wear harnesses. But until SpareParts HardWear came out with the Deuce, there weren’t many options. Yes, some guys managed to use some other strap-ons, but they weren’t well designed for their anatomy and they weren’t all that successful. Fortunately, that’s now changed.

The Deuce’s design gives you a lot of options for sexy fun. The pouch is shaped like a jockstrap so you can keep your penis inside, if you like. That makes it a great choice for men who have erection difficulties, which is pretty common after having prostate surgery to treat cancer. It’s also a fantastic option when your partner prefers a different size than your own penis. I recently worked with a couple who both enjoyed anal intercourse, but his penis was too big for comfort. So they decided to try using a harness with a smaller dildo. I wasn’t sure whether they were planning on using it instead of his penis or as a warm-up to make intercourse easier, but either way, they were excited to have a new way to have fun.

Double Penetration Fun

Where the Deuce really shines, though, is in double penetration. Most folks who enjoy simultaneous vaginal and anal intercourse have had to arrange threesomes. But that’s not something everyone wants to do. Besides, while it can be fun, the positions that work for that are somewhat limited since you’re trying to fit three bodies together. With the Deuce, the guy wearing it slips his penis through the lower ring and wears a dildo in the upper one. If his partner is facing him, his penis will be in her ass and the dildo will be in her vagina. Facing the other way reverses that.

This combination lets you get into positions that a DP in a threesome can’t quite manage because you only have to fit two bodies together. You also get the dildo and his cock moving in unison, which rarely happens for long in a threesome. Of course, you have many more choices in size and shape when picking a dildo. (The Charm is awesome for this, by the way.) And lastly, the guy wearing the Deuce can feel the dildo against the shaft of his cock when thrusting, so there’s a lot of added pleasure for him.

Great For Sex With Erection Difficulties

If you’re thinking of checking out the Deuce because of erection difficulties, you might want to read the article Restoration of Satisfying Sex for a Castrated Cancer Patient with Complete Impotence: A Case Study. I know- it’s a terrible title. But the article has some really amazing stuff to offer. It details the story of a man who had a radical prostatectomy to treat prostate cancer and had complete erectile dysfunction afterward. For many men, this is a temporary situation, but for this fellow, it was permanent. At first, he resisted the idea of using a dildo and harness, but eventually gave it a try. While he was using it with his wife, she put some lube on her hand and stroked his cock as he thrust in and out. In his words:

There was little sensory difference between this act and intercourse—my penis was not in her vagina but it did not know that. It was in a wet, warm place being firmly mechanically stimulated. My hindbrain took over, and I carried the act through to orgasm, to the sexual satisfaction of both my partner and myself.

That’s pretty amazing and offers hope to a lot of men who have temporary or permanent erection difficulties for any reason, including health issues, stress, or having already had an ejaculatory orgasm. While this couple made it work before the Deuce was available, I’m willing to bet that they’d enjoy the Deuce more since it’s a better design for this use.

And can I just say that using a strap-on can be really freeing for guys? It takes a fair bit of practice and attention to have intercourse for a lot of us because we have to manage our stimulation and arousal. Too much and we ejaculate before we (or our partners) want. Too little and our erections might get softer than we need for penetration. Unless we use a medication like Viagra, most men are paying at least some attention to those competing challenges. When you use a dildo, you don’t have to think about that at all, which lets you focus entirely on giving your partner lot of pleasure.

I’m not saying that we should stop having intercourse the “regular” way or that we should assume that our partners want intercourse for hours. But you might be really surprised at how freeing it is to be able to please your partner without needing to think about anything else at the same time. Besides, if you enjoy being pegged, it’s pretty amazing to see what it’s like on the other side of the harness.

A Few Tips For Using The Deuce

  • Pick a dildo without testicles. You need to fit the base just above your penis, so you’ll want a toy with a round base, not with balls.
  • Make sure your partner is warmed up before trying double penetration. You’ll need to start off even more carefully than usual since there’s a lot happening all at once.
  • If you pull out completely, be sure to not let the dildo and your penis come into contact with each other since that could transmit lube and bacteria from her ass to her vagina- a big no-no! If they do touch, simply change the condom on whichever one is going into her vagina.
  • It’s much easier to get the dildo through the ring if you put a condom on it since that lubricates the shaft and lets the ring slip on.

So there you have it. The Deuce gives you a lot of options you probably didn’t even know existed. Double penetration without having to sift through OKCupid for another partner, more choices in size and positions, intercourse without an erection- the Deuce makes them all possible. And it’s machine washable, super comfortable, and is really well designed.

If you want to pick one up, head over to Good Vibrations and pick one up. While you’re there, be sure to check out the dildos and lubricants. They’ve got lots of great ones to choose from!

Charlie

Charlie

I'm a writer, blogger, teacher, workshop facilitator, sex & relationship coach, and a certified somatic sex educator. I teach workshops and seminars on many different sexuality topics, including sex-positivity, sex & shame, communities of erotic affiliation, many different sexual practices, gender & masculinity, and sexual politics. Contact me for more information, to arrange a speaking engagement, or to find out how I can help you create an amazing sex life.

More Posts - Website

Follow Me:
TwitterFacebookLinkedInGoogle Plus

December 26, 2012

How Pegging Can Help Save The World

Filed under: Sex Tips — Tags: , , — Charlie @ 10:37 am

It’s a cliche that before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes, but that’s because there’s a lot of truth to that statement.  After all, once you’ve experienced something from another person’s perspective, it’s much easier to imagine what it’s like for them. That’s one reason why I think pegging can go a long way toward improving things. Pegging is the term for when women use dildos and strap-on harnesses with male partners. (Is there a different term when people of other genders use strap-ons with male partners?) And while the main reason people do it is because it’s lots of fun, I think there’s an added benefit that lots of folks don’t know about.

There have been plenty of books written about how male/female couples can improve their relationships by learning to see things from the other person’s perspective. Of course, that’s helpful for couples of all gender combinations and sexual orientations, but the differences in both biology and experience often create barriers for m/f pairs. Pegging is a surprisingly effective way to find out what sex is like for your partner.

For men who have never been on the receiving side of penetration, sex is something that happens outside the body. And when sex is external to your body, it can be easier to do when you have a headache or you’re not quite in the mood. A lot of men discover than when sex is about catching rather than pitching, their mood, their emotions, and their connection to a partner can often have a bigger influence on what they want to do and how it feels.

I’ve talked with quite a few men about what they’ve learned from pegging and although it isn’t universal, many of them have said that they have a better understanding how their female partners might need more warm-up before intercourse, or might be in the mood for sex but not penetration, or how much one’s pleasure can be affected by seemingly minor events. Granted, anal penetration is different from vaginal penetration, but my point is simply that a physical experience can be a much more effective teacher than reading a book, just as a picture is worth 1000 words.

On the flip side, when they try pegging, a lot of women discover how much work, responsibility, and (sometimes) power can go along with fucking someone. And that’s without worrying about their cock ejaculating too soon, getting soft at random moments, or being the wrong size (assuming they have choices- there are lots of dildo options out there).

So while I’m not suggesting that it’s a cure-all, I do think that trying out sex from the other side can make it easier to understand and have compassion for your partner. That isn’t limited to m/f couples or, for that matter, pegging. But given how many heterosexual folks have never tried strap-on play, it does seem like there’s an unmet need there. It won’t make communication miraculously easy and it won’t fix everything about sexism or gender-based inequities. What it can do (besides being lots of fun) is help people develop empathy, compassion, and understanding for their partners. And the more of that we have in the world, the better.

Want to try it out? Check out our book The Ultimate Guide to Prostate Pleasure: Erotic Exploration for Men and Their Partners for a great overview of how to do it. Or check out this page on pegging and anal intercourse for plenty of tips to get you started.

Charlie

Charlie

I'm a writer, blogger, teacher, workshop facilitator, sex & relationship coach, and a certified somatic sex educator. I teach workshops and seminars on many different sexuality topics, including sex-positivity, sex & shame, communities of erotic affiliation, many different sexual practices, gender & masculinity, and sexual politics. Contact me for more information, to arrange a speaking engagement, or to find out how I can help you create an amazing sex life.

More Posts - Website

Follow Me:
TwitterFacebookLinkedInGoogle Plus

Powered by WordPress