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July 3, 2013

Troubleshooting Your Pegging Gear

Filed under: Sex Tips,Toy Reviews — Tags: , , , , , , — Charlie @ 4:51 pm

Here’s a question that came in via Facebook:

We need a good harness and dildo. I know there’s issues with dildo materials being toxic, which is why I am hesitant to shop online. If you have recommendations I’d be thrilled.

The other issue I’ve had in the past has been dildo angle. Most harnesses cause a dildo to angle downward. I find this make anal insertion very problematic. A few dildos have an upward bend and this helps, but the harness tends to undo most of this.

Has anyone addressed this with a 45° upward harness? I think this would be a great invention. Most penises tend to angle upward like this; it makes insertion much easier for most positions.

OK, let’s take this one piece at a time. You’re right to be careful about what kinds of toys you use. For a long time, many sex toy manufacturers sold vibrators, dildos, and buttplugs that contained phthalates. These are chemicals that are used to soften plastics and they’re commonly used in shower curtains, linoleum floors, and many other household items. Several years ago, there was some research suggesting that they weren’t safe for use in baby products like teething rings because they caused neurological problems in young rats. This led to some understandable concern within the sex toy world, although the one piece of research that I’m aware of concluded that they are safe for up to one hour of use per day, except for pregnant or nursing women.

Nevertheless, a lot of people were worried about it, which led to some changes in the sex toy industry. Good Vibrations took the lead in discontinuing these products in 2007, and many other companies followed suit. Eventually most toy manufacturers stopped using phthalates, which is why you’ll sometimes see “phthalate-free” on the package.

Having said all that, if you pick a high-quality silicone dildo, like those made by Vixen Creations and Pleasure Works, you don’t need to be worried about it because they don’t use phthalates. Plus, these dildos are non-porous, so they’re easy to clean with soap and water. If you want to take it a step further, wash your dildo and then put it in boiling water for five minutes or the top rack of a dishwasher. (I’m a big fan of the Charm, and not just because I helped design it.)

So once you have a dildo picked out, you need to pick a harness that’ll work. You’re right that the shape of the dildo is important, especially since you’ll find that a curved toy works better for hitting the prostate. But it can be tricky to get the right angle. That’s usually due to the harness not holding the base firmly enough, or because of the angle of the wearer’s pelvis. Let’s take that one at a time.

Ideally, the base of the dildo should be right up against the wearer’s body. That means that you want a harness that’ll fit snugly enough to give solid support. It can be difficult if you like larger toys since the weight of the dildo will tend to pull it down, but you can minimize that if you find a harness with a good fit.

The Velvet Harness is a great one to start with since it’s super adjustable and reasonably priced. Get the base of the dildo on the wearer’s pubic bone. If it’s too low on her body, it’ll hang at the wrong angle. Adjust the waist strap, and then the thigh straps to get it firmly in place.

If you want a harness that looks a bit fancier and feels better for the wearer, try the Joque Harness by SpareParts. The material is softer and the wider waist strap often feels more comfortable. And while this harness rides a bit lower, the fabric is reinforced to minimize drooping. Some folks worry about it not holding the dildo as firmly against the body, but SpareParts does that on purpose because the base of the dildo will press into the clitoris with each thrust. A lot of women discover that they can even orgasm from pegging with one of these. And if you want something with a different look, check out the other gorgeous harnesses they make.

But even with the right harness, a dildo might hang down at a difficult angle. For some women, that’s because of the tilt of their pelvis. If someone’s hips tilt forward, their pubic bone will be pointing at a downward angle, which is going to make it more difficult to keep their dildo pointed upward. Stretching the lower back and strengthening the abs can help, but not for everyone.

The Bump And Grinder silicone dildo is angled upwards, and the base is designed to give extra clitoral stimulation to the wearer. I haven’t spoken to anyone who’s used it, and I’m curious to know if it works as it’s intended. I’d also like to hear about those ridges behind the head.

If your favorite dildo is tricky to get at the right angle, you can also play around with positions to make it easier. If the guy who’s receiving is on his back, put a pillow under his hips to lift his ass up. The Liberator Wedge and Ramp can help. (Here’s my review of them.) And you can also try holding the dildo by hand until it gets inserted, at which point, the receiver’s body will support it.

I hope that helps!

 

Charlie

Charlie

I'm a writer, blogger, teacher, workshop facilitator, sex & relationship coach, and a certified somatic sex educator. I teach workshops and seminars on many different sexuality topics, including sex-positivity, sex & shame, communities of erotic affiliation, many different sexual practices, gender & masculinity, and sexual politics. Contact me for more information, to arrange a speaking engagement, or to find out how I can help you create an amazing sex life.

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April 12, 2013

Add A Little Extra To Pegging With These Great Toys

Filed under: Sex Tips,Toy Reviews — Tags: , , , , , , , — Charlie @ 10:03 am

I get a lot of questions from women who want to try pegging or who have given it a shot, and want to get a little more pleasure out of the experience. Of course, lots of women get off on the experience of pegging, even if they don’t get much direct physical stimulation from it. But there are also some great toys that will give you some extra action.

Some harnesses let you place the base of your dildo low enough down that it rests on your clitoris. That means that every thrust presses it into you, which can be enough in itself for some women. I even know one dedicated harness user who added a clitoral hood piercing so that the bead on the ring would hit the spot. Now, that’s not something that everyone will want to do, but it does show how creative people get when it comes to sex!

Low-rise harnesses will work better for this, and Spareparts makes some awesome ones. The Tomboi and the Sasha are especially good because they’re designed to have a little stretch. When you pull back, the base of the dildo move a little away from your body, so when you push back in, you’ll get even more sensation. (Here’s a review of the Sasha.) One of the great features of these harnesses is that they simply pull on, so they’re super easy to use. They’re also machine-washable, making clean up a snap. I also like how the ring that holds the dildo is sewn in, rather that being held in by straps, because there aren’t any snaps to bump into anyone’s tender parts. A lot of women who have used these harnesses have said that they were able to orgasm from the clitoral stimulation, which makes pegging awesome!

Another great choice is the Feeldoe. You insert the bulb into your vagina and use your PC muscles to hold it there while using the other end on your partner. There’s also a vibrator for added fun, as well as small ridges to press against your clitoris. And just so you know, the shaft isn’t as long as it looks in the photo because the wearer’s body takes up a few inches of it. The insertable portion is about 6 inches (15 cm) long.

The Feeldoe can be a little tricky to hold onto, and the difficulty is that making the bulb bigger also makes it less comfortable for some women. If it slips out at the wrong moment, try wearing the Feeldoe in a low-rise harness to get a little extra support. It’s a great combination.

Want some other choices? Some harnesses like the Vibrating Corsette Harness have a mini vibrator that slips into a pocket in the front pad. If you enjoy vibrators, these can be a fantastic way to get some extra stimulation. These harnesses are super adjustable, machine washable, and quite comfortable. They’re also a great choice if you’re new to pegging because they cost less than some other models. That makes them a good starter harness for a lot of folks. Plus, the wider strap across the back looks really sexy.

If you like G-spot pleasure, take a look at the Smartballs. They have a small marble that rolls around inside of them. Insert them into your vagina and each time you move your hips, you’ll get a little hands-free G-spot action. The single ball might be easier for some women, especially during pegging, but if you want a lot of stimulation, try the double. The Smartballs are coated in body-safe silicone (including the string), so washing them is easy. I’ve also heard from some women who wear them when they go out dancing.

Speaking of toys that work well for pegging and for dancing, check out the Club Vibe. It looks like a standard bullet vibrator, but the battery pack picks up on any background noise to control the vibrator. It works really well at at club since each beat of the music will make it pulse. But you can also have a great time with it during sex since every time you or your partner makes a sound, the vibrator will switch on. There’s a lot of potential for a feedback loop: the more noise you make, the more it vibrates and the more it vibrates, the better it feels. Just don’t wake up the neighbors!

The Club Vibe 2.0 is a bit bigger, and it’s designed to slip into a pair of panties for a night out on the town. But I bet it would work really well with the Tomboi or Sasha harnesses. (I haven’t had anyone test this yet, so if you’ve given it a try, I’d love to hear how it worked.)

Don’t forget that lots of women enjoy anal play, too. You can wear a butt plug while pegging your partner. Just make sure that the bulb is wide enough relative to the neck to stay in during vigorous action. The Bootie Plug (reviewed here) and the larger Bootsy Plug both have an asymmetric shape that makes it easier to insert. Rather than going straight in, try sliding them in on a C-curve that follows the shape of the toy. The slim base means that you can put your legs in any position without losing the toy.

As you can see, there are lots of ways to make sure that pegging is as fun for you as it is for him. It takes a little creativity and some experimentation, but it’s definitely worth it. After all, sex is even more fun when you’re both seeing fireworks. Have fun!

Charlie

Charlie

I'm a writer, blogger, teacher, workshop facilitator, sex & relationship coach, and a certified somatic sex educator. I teach workshops and seminars on many different sexuality topics, including sex-positivity, sex & shame, communities of erotic affiliation, many different sexual practices, gender & masculinity, and sexual politics. Contact me for more information, to arrange a speaking engagement, or to find out how I can help you create an amazing sex life.

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March 12, 2013

Five Great Positions For Pegging

Filed under: Sex Tips — Tags: , , , , — Charlie @ 3:27 pm

We get a lot of folks asking us for tips to make pegging and anal intercourse work better for prostate play. Once you have your toys, lubricant, and other goodies, and you have your partner is all warmed up and ready to go, it’s time to figure out which positions you want to try. Of course, each combination of people will need to experiment a bit since successful sex positions are partly determined by size, flexibility, strength, and other factors. But here are a five of my favorite positions.

1) Face to face

This is one of the more popular pegging positions for a lot of people. Being able to see your partner’s face can be a lot of fun, and it keeps everyone’s hands available for penis stimulation. It usually works better if the receiver has his hips on a pillow to lift them up a bit because it gives easier access. It’s also good to put a pillow or two under his head. That makes it more comfortable, and curving the spine in a gentle C-shape can make the prostate easier to reach.

Have him raise his knees to his chest and support them in his hands to help relax the pelvic muscles and straighten out the curves of the rectum to give you a straight shot. You can also hold them up for him, like in the picture, to give a little extra support. Try it with his knees closer together or further apart. The more he can relax into the experience, the more fun you can both have!

2) Elbow and knees

If you like rear entry, put him on his elbows and knees, rather than hands and knees. That keeps the pressure off of his wrists, so he’ll last longer. And anal sex often works better if his hips are higher than his shoulders, so that’s another plus. You can grab his hips to control the depth, you can let him do the moving, or both!

Try having him move his knees closer together to raise him up or further apart to lower him down so you can get exactly the right angle. Aim the curve of your dildo downward towards his navel or it’ll miss his prostate. This is one big advantage dildos have over penises- you can rotate them to the best position. When he gets tired, slip a Liberator Wedge under him and keep on going.

3) Standing & bent over

Another fun variation on rear entry is to have him standing on the floor, bent over the bed or couch or kitchen table. Just like hands and knees, he can move his feet to raise and lower himself. And since he has the support of the surface under him, he can rest his body and let you take over.

Some guys have tight hamstring muscles, which can make this position a challenge. Roll up a towel and put it under his heels. When your heels are higher than your toes, it makes it easier to move your hips, which is one reason high heels can look so sexy. Of course, if you both enjoy having him wear high heels, that works just as well. But it’s not necessary, since the towel will do the trick.

4) Cowboy

Want a fun variation on face-to-face? Lie back and have him straddle you with his knees on the bed. In this position, he has total control over the angle, depth, and speed so you can enjoy the show.

Here’s a fun trick- have him slide all the way down (or at least, as far as he enjoys) and instead of moving up and down, he can swivel his hips from front to back, from side to side, or in circles. Your dildo or penis will massage his prostate with each move and he can try different speeds and directions to find the ones he likes most. This is a great way for you to take a break if you’ve been thrusting pretty hard. (Pegging is also great motivation for doing pilates. Just saying.)

5) On his side

This one can be a little tricky, but it’s worth it. He lies on his side on the bed and brings his upper knee to his chest. Both his hip and knee are bent at 90 degrees. Put a pillow under his knee, and straddle his lower leg. It won’t work for all folks- if he’s a lot bigger than you, you might have trouble reaching. But it’s super relaxing for him and it’s often a good choice for men with injuries or other mobility limitations.

So there you have it. Five great positions for pegging and anal intercourse. We have a lot more suggestions and tips in our book, so if you want to make pegging even more fun, grab a copy and see what fun you can get up to!

Charlie

Charlie

I'm a writer, blogger, teacher, workshop facilitator, sex & relationship coach, and a certified somatic sex educator. I teach workshops and seminars on many different sexuality topics, including sex-positivity, sex & shame, communities of erotic affiliation, many different sexual practices, gender & masculinity, and sexual politics. Contact me for more information, to arrange a speaking engagement, or to find out how I can help you create an amazing sex life.

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February 25, 2013

Think Harnesses Are Just For Women? Check Out The Deuce Harness For Men!

Filed under: Toy Reviews — Tags: , , , , — Charlie @ 11:44 am

A Harness for Men?

Most folks assume that the only people wearing strap-on dildos are women and transgender men. And while it’s true that those are probably the most likely harness users, cisgender men can also wear harnesses. But until SpareParts HardWear came out with the Deuce, there weren’t many options. Yes, some guys managed to use some other strap-ons, but they weren’t well designed for their anatomy and they weren’t all that successful. Fortunately, that’s now changed.

The Deuce’s design gives you a lot of options for sexy fun. The pouch is shaped like a jockstrap so you can keep your penis inside, if you like. That makes it a great choice for men who have erection difficulties, which is pretty common after having prostate surgery to treat cancer. It’s also a fantastic option when your partner prefers a different size than your own penis. I recently worked with a couple who both enjoyed anal intercourse, but his penis was too big for comfort. So they decided to try using a harness with a smaller dildo. I wasn’t sure whether they were planning on using it instead of his penis or as a warm-up to make intercourse easier, but either way, they were excited to have a new way to have fun.

Double Penetration Fun

Where the Deuce really shines, though, is in double penetration. Most folks who enjoy simultaneous vaginal and anal intercourse have had to arrange threesomes. But that’s not something everyone wants to do. Besides, while it can be fun, the positions that work for that are somewhat limited since you’re trying to fit three bodies together. With the Deuce, the guy wearing it slips his penis through the lower ring and wears a dildo in the upper one. If his partner is facing him, his penis will be in her ass and the dildo will be in her vagina. Facing the other way reverses that.

This combination lets you get into positions that a DP in a threesome can’t quite manage because you only have to fit two bodies together. You also get the dildo and his cock moving in unison, which rarely happens for long in a threesome. Of course, you have many more choices in size and shape when picking a dildo. (The Charm is awesome for this, by the way.) And lastly, the guy wearing the Deuce can feel the dildo against the shaft of his cock when thrusting, so there’s a lot of added pleasure for him.

Great For Sex With Erection Difficulties

If you’re thinking of checking out the Deuce because of erection difficulties, you might want to read the article Restoration of Satisfying Sex for a Castrated Cancer Patient with Complete Impotence: A Case Study. I know- it’s a terrible title. But the article has some really amazing stuff to offer. It details the story of a man who had a radical prostatectomy to treat prostate cancer and had complete erectile dysfunction afterward. For many men, this is a temporary situation, but for this fellow, it was permanent. At first, he resisted the idea of using a dildo and harness, but eventually gave it a try. While he was using it with his wife, she put some lube on her hand and stroked his cock as he thrust in and out. In his words:

There was little sensory difference between this act and intercourse—my penis was not in her vagina but it did not know that. It was in a wet, warm place being firmly mechanically stimulated. My hindbrain took over, and I carried the act through to orgasm, to the sexual satisfaction of both my partner and myself.

That’s pretty amazing and offers hope to a lot of men who have temporary or permanent erection difficulties for any reason, including health issues, stress, or having already had an ejaculatory orgasm. While this couple made it work before the Deuce was available, I’m willing to bet that they’d enjoy the Deuce more since it’s a better design for this use.

And can I just say that using a strap-on can be really freeing for guys? It takes a fair bit of practice and attention to have intercourse for a lot of us because we have to manage our stimulation and arousal. Too much and we ejaculate before we (or our partners) want. Too little and our erections might get softer than we need for penetration. Unless we use a medication like Viagra, most men are paying at least some attention to those competing challenges. When you use a dildo, you don’t have to think about that at all, which lets you focus entirely on giving your partner lot of pleasure.

I’m not saying that we should stop having intercourse the “regular” way or that we should assume that our partners want intercourse for hours. But you might be really surprised at how freeing it is to be able to please your partner without needing to think about anything else at the same time. Besides, if you enjoy being pegged, it’s pretty amazing to see what it’s like on the other side of the harness.

A Few Tips For Using The Deuce

  • Pick a dildo without testicles. You need to fit the base just above your penis, so you’ll want a toy with a round base, not with balls.
  • Make sure your partner is warmed up before trying double penetration. You’ll need to start off even more carefully than usual since there’s a lot happening all at once.
  • If you pull out completely, be sure to not let the dildo and your penis come into contact with each other since that could transmit lube and bacteria from her ass to her vagina- a big no-no! If they do touch, simply change the condom on whichever one is going into her vagina.
  • It’s much easier to get the dildo through the ring if you put a condom on it since that lubricates the shaft and lets the ring slip on.

So there you have it. The Deuce gives you a lot of options you probably didn’t even know existed. Double penetration without having to sift through OKCupid for another partner, more choices in size and positions, intercourse without an erection- the Deuce makes them all possible. And it’s machine washable, super comfortable, and is really well designed.

If you want to pick one up, head over to Good Vibrations and pick one up. While you’re there, be sure to check out the dildos and lubricants. They’ve got lots of great ones to choose from!

Charlie

Charlie

I'm a writer, blogger, teacher, workshop facilitator, sex & relationship coach, and a certified somatic sex educator. I teach workshops and seminars on many different sexuality topics, including sex-positivity, sex & shame, communities of erotic affiliation, many different sexual practices, gender & masculinity, and sexual politics. Contact me for more information, to arrange a speaking engagement, or to find out how I can help you create an amazing sex life.

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December 12, 2012

Pegging for Femmes: The Sasha Couture Harness

Filed under: Toy Reviews — Tags: , , , — Charlie @ 9:07 am

There are lots of ways to enjoy pegging and lots of different harnesses on the market. For some women, wearing a strap-on can be a fun way to explore gender and role play. But other folks want a harness that has a more femme appearance. If that’s you, you’ll want to check out the Sasha Couture Harness.

Made from machine washable fabric, the Sasha brings a much different look to harnesses. The O-ring is integrated into the front panel so there are no snaps to bump into someone’s tender parts. The ribbon ties on the side let you wear it as booty shorts or as high-cut panties, and  you can add stockings with the detachable garters or take the straps off if you want a different look. With the decorative trim and ruched accents across the back, the overall look and feel is decidedly different from the usual leather harnesses.

The Sasha can accommodate dildos up to 2 1/4 inch wide, so it’ll work with almost any toy. And there are two pockets  for vibrating eggs to give both the wearer and the receiver a little extra thrill. All in all, the Sasha has a whole lot to make pegging as fun as it is stylish!

Most harnesses come with adjustable straps, but the Sasha simply pulls on. That makes it really easy to use, but you do need to pick the right size since the waist strap needs to be snug to give you a solid hold. Fortunately, they make it in a range of sizes:

XS: 26-28 in. (66-71cm)
Small: 29-32 in. (73-81cm)
Medium: 33-37 in. (83-94cm)
Large: 38-40 in. (96-101cm)
XL: 41-44 in. (104-111cm)
2X: 45-48 in. (114-122cm)
3X: 49-52 in. (124-132cm)

Here are some helpful sizing tips from the manufacturer:

Choose your harness size based on both your actual body measurements and body shape, not based on your typical pant or jean size, which varies significantly between brands, designs, and cuts. Please don’t skip this step: the right size harness will give you the most comfort and support, and will always look better than a size that’s just “almost right.”

GET THE CORRECT FIT:

1. Get your lower waist/hip measurement. Wrap a measuring tape around your waist, about 1 inch (2.5 cm) below your pelvic bone. Mark the number where the tape measure completes and crosses over itself.

2. Use that measurement, as well as your body shape, to determine your size. Sasha performs best when your body fills out the harness, so choosing the right size is crucial. You should take your body shape into account before selecting a size. To do so, think of your body in terms of moon phases:

FULL MOON bodies have beautiful, fuller curves.
If you were to view this body shape from the side, you would see a half-moon shape in rear, and a quarter to half-moon shape in front, where the stomach is. If you have a full moon shape…choose the next size up.

THREE-QUARTER MOON bodies have a balance of curves and planes.
If you were to view this body shape from the side, you would see a quarter-moon shape in front and a half-moon shape in rear, or a a flatter front stomach area and a fuller three quarter-moon in rear. This body shape typically has a fuller butt and, sometimes, wider hips. If you have a three-quarter moon shape…choose the next size up.

HALF-MOON bodies are curvier in rear, flatter in front.
If you were to view this body shape from the side, you would see a half-moon shape in rear. If you have a half-moon shape…stay to the size chart.

QUARTER /CRESCENT MOON bodies have gentler, less pronounced curves in rear.
If you were to view this body shape from the side, you would see a quarter (or crescent) shape sloping from the tailbone to the top of the thigh. If you have a quarter/crescent moon shape…choose the next size down. If you have a quarter/crescent moon shape in rear, BUT a quarter to full-moon

If pegging turns you on and you want a harness that’ll coordinate with your lingerie, you can’t do better than the Sasha. Pick one up and see for yourself!

Charlie

Charlie

I'm a writer, blogger, teacher, workshop facilitator, sex & relationship coach, and a certified somatic sex educator. I teach workshops and seminars on many different sexuality topics, including sex-positivity, sex & shame, communities of erotic affiliation, many different sexual practices, gender & masculinity, and sexual politics. Contact me for more information, to arrange a speaking engagement, or to find out how I can help you create an amazing sex life.

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