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September 18, 2013

Pegging Tips: The Mustang Silicone Dildo

Filed under: Toy Reviews — Tags: , , , — Charlie @ 1:10 pm

Mustang VixSkin Realistic DildoIf you’re looking for a great dildo for pegging, you should take a look at the Mustang Silicone Dildo by Vixen. It’s an ideal toy for beginners or experienced peggers.

The Mustang is made from VixSkin, which is Vixen’s amazingly realistic silicone formula. The inner core is firm, which gives you the stability you need, while the outer layer has a softer texture. As a result, the toy has a much more life-like feel, especially once it warms to body temperature. The head of the dildo is almost entirely made from the softer silicone, so in addition to being more realistic, it doesn’t poke the way that some toys can.

One thing I like about all of the VixSkin dildos is that they’re a lot more flexible than some other toys. They’re certainly firm enough to make penetration easy, but having a little bend allows you to get into different positions. When dildos are too rigid, a small shift in angle can make them go from “yum” to “ouch.” I like how the VixSkin toys makes it easy to change positions without that happening.

I’m also impressed with how life-life these dildos are. They’re not totally realistic, since they’re uniform in color from base to tip, but when the lights are low, that doesn’t matter so much.

OK, I can hear you asking, how does it feel? The answer is “amazing!” The flexibility makes it comfortable and the firmness is just enough to be able to get good pressure on the prostate. The life-life head is an ideal shape for massaging the prostate, but if the end of the dildo happens to poke into it on the in-stroke, it’s soft enough to not be uncomfortable. All in all, the Mustang feels awesome.

The Mustang is 6.5″ long x 1.5″ across (16.5 cm x 3.8 cm), so it’s a pretty reasonable size, both for the giver and the receiver. And since it’s 100% silicone, it’s non-porous and easy to clean. Just wash it with soap and hot water. If you want to disinfect it, wash it and then put it in boiling water for five minutes or the top rack of a dishwasher. Simple! Plus, it has a round base, so it’ll work with any harness with a ring, though I’m partial to the SpareParts Harnesses for their great fit and fantastic style.

If you’re looking for a new dildo, I really can’t say enough good stuff about the Mustang Silicone Dildo. Pick one up today and see for yourself how great it is!

Charlie

Charlie

I'm a writer, blogger, teacher, workshop facilitator, sex & relationship coach, and a certified somatic sex educator. I teach workshops and seminars on many different sexuality topics, including sex-positivity, sex & shame, communities of erotic affiliation, many different sexual practices, gender & masculinity, and sexual politics. Contact me for more information, to arrange a speaking engagement, or to find out how I can help you create an amazing sex life.

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July 3, 2013

Troubleshooting Your Pegging Gear

Filed under: Sex Tips,Toy Reviews — Tags: , , , , , , — Charlie @ 4:51 pm

Here’s a question that came in via Facebook:

We need a good harness and dildo. I know there’s issues with dildo materials being toxic, which is why I am hesitant to shop online. If you have recommendations I’d be thrilled.

The other issue I’ve had in the past has been dildo angle. Most harnesses cause a dildo to angle downward. I find this make anal insertion very problematic. A few dildos have an upward bend and this helps, but the harness tends to undo most of this.

Has anyone addressed this with a 45° upward harness? I think this would be a great invention. Most penises tend to angle upward like this; it makes insertion much easier for most positions.

OK, let’s take this one piece at a time. You’re right to be careful about what kinds of toys you use. For a long time, many sex toy manufacturers sold vibrators, dildos, and buttplugs that contained phthalates. These are chemicals that are used to soften plastics and they’re commonly used in shower curtains, linoleum floors, and many other household items. Several years ago, there was some research suggesting that they weren’t safe for use in baby products like teething rings because they caused neurological problems in young rats. This led to some understandable concern within the sex toy world, although the one piece of research that I’m aware of concluded that they are safe for up to one hour of use per day, except for pregnant or nursing women.

Nevertheless, a lot of people were worried about it, which led to some changes in the sex toy industry. Good Vibrations took the lead in discontinuing these products in 2007, and many other companies followed suit. Eventually most toy manufacturers stopped using phthalates, which is why you’ll sometimes see “phthalate-free” on the package.

Having said all that, if you pick a high-quality silicone dildo, like those made by Vixen Creations and Pleasure Works, you don’t need to be worried about it because they don’t use phthalates. Plus, these dildos are non-porous, so they’re easy to clean with soap and water. If you want to take it a step further, wash your dildo and then put it in boiling water for five minutes or the top rack of a dishwasher. (I’m a big fan of the Charm, and not just because I helped design it.)

So once you have a dildo picked out, you need to pick a harness that’ll work. You’re right that the shape of the dildo is important, especially since you’ll find that a curved toy works better for hitting the prostate. But it can be tricky to get the right angle. That’s usually due to the harness not holding the base firmly enough, or because of the angle of the wearer’s pelvis. Let’s take that one at a time.

Ideally, the base of the dildo should be right up against the wearer’s body. That means that you want a harness that’ll fit snugly enough to give solid support. It can be difficult if you like larger toys since the weight of the dildo will tend to pull it down, but you can minimize that if you find a harness with a good fit.

The Velvet Harness is a great one to start with since it’s super adjustable and reasonably priced. Get the base of the dildo on the wearer’s pubic bone. If it’s too low on her body, it’ll hang at the wrong angle. Adjust the waist strap, and then the thigh straps to get it firmly in place.

If you want a harness that looks a bit fancier and feels better for the wearer, try the Joque Harness by SpareParts. The material is softer and the wider waist strap often feels more comfortable. And while this harness rides a bit lower, the fabric is reinforced to minimize drooping. Some folks worry about it not holding the dildo as firmly against the body, but SpareParts does that on purpose because the base of the dildo will press into the clitoris with each thrust. A lot of women discover that they can even orgasm from pegging with one of these. And if you want something with a different look, check out the other gorgeous harnesses they make.

But even with the right harness, a dildo might hang down at a difficult angle. For some women, that’s because of the tilt of their pelvis. If someone’s hips tilt forward, their pubic bone will be pointing at a downward angle, which is going to make it more difficult to keep their dildo pointed upward. Stretching the lower back and strengthening the abs can help, but not for everyone.

The Bump And Grinder silicone dildo is angled upwards, and the base is designed to give extra clitoral stimulation to the wearer. I haven’t spoken to anyone who’s used it, and I’m curious to know if it works as it’s intended. I’d also like to hear about those ridges behind the head.

If your favorite dildo is tricky to get at the right angle, you can also play around with positions to make it easier. If the guy who’s receiving is on his back, put a pillow under his hips to lift his ass up. The Liberator Wedge and Ramp can help. (Here’s my review of them.) And you can also try holding the dildo by hand until it gets inserted, at which point, the receiver’s body will support it.

I hope that helps!

 

Charlie

Charlie

I'm a writer, blogger, teacher, workshop facilitator, sex & relationship coach, and a certified somatic sex educator. I teach workshops and seminars on many different sexuality topics, including sex-positivity, sex & shame, communities of erotic affiliation, many different sexual practices, gender & masculinity, and sexual politics. Contact me for more information, to arrange a speaking engagement, or to find out how I can help you create an amazing sex life.

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March 12, 2013

Five Great Positions For Pegging

Filed under: Sex Tips — Tags: , , , , — Charlie @ 3:27 pm

We get a lot of folks asking us for tips to make pegging and anal intercourse work better for prostate play. Once you have your toys, lubricant, and other goodies, and you have your partner is all warmed up and ready to go, it’s time to figure out which positions you want to try. Of course, each combination of people will need to experiment a bit since successful sex positions are partly determined by size, flexibility, strength, and other factors. But here are a five of my favorite positions.

1) Face to face

This is one of the more popular pegging positions for a lot of people. Being able to see your partner’s face can be a lot of fun, and it keeps everyone’s hands available for penis stimulation. It usually works better if the receiver has his hips on a pillow to lift them up a bit because it gives easier access. It’s also good to put a pillow or two under his head. That makes it more comfortable, and curving the spine in a gentle C-shape can make the prostate easier to reach.

Have him raise his knees to his chest and support them in his hands to help relax the pelvic muscles and straighten out the curves of the rectum to give you a straight shot. You can also hold them up for him, like in the picture, to give a little extra support. Try it with his knees closer together or further apart. The more he can relax into the experience, the more fun you can both have!

2) Elbow and knees

If you like rear entry, put him on his elbows and knees, rather than hands and knees. That keeps the pressure off of his wrists, so he’ll last longer. And anal sex often works better if his hips are higher than his shoulders, so that’s another plus. You can grab his hips to control the depth, you can let him do the moving, or both!

Try having him move his knees closer together to raise him up or further apart to lower him down so you can get exactly the right angle. Aim the curve of your dildo downward towards his navel or it’ll miss his prostate. This is one big advantage dildos have over penises- you can rotate them to the best position. When he gets tired, slip a Liberator Wedge under him and keep on going.

3) Standing & bent over

Another fun variation on rear entry is to have him standing on the floor, bent over the bed or couch or kitchen table. Just like hands and knees, he can move his feet to raise and lower himself. And since he has the support of the surface under him, he can rest his body and let you take over.

Some guys have tight hamstring muscles, which can make this position a challenge. Roll up a towel and put it under his heels. When your heels are higher than your toes, it makes it easier to move your hips, which is one reason high heels can look so sexy. Of course, if you both enjoy having him wear high heels, that works just as well. But it’s not necessary, since the towel will do the trick.

4) Cowboy

Want a fun variation on face-to-face? Lie back and have him straddle you with his knees on the bed. In this position, he has total control over the angle, depth, and speed so you can enjoy the show.

Here’s a fun trick- have him slide all the way down (or at least, as far as he enjoys) and instead of moving up and down, he can swivel his hips from front to back, from side to side, or in circles. Your dildo or penis will massage his prostate with each move and he can try different speeds and directions to find the ones he likes most. This is a great way for you to take a break if you’ve been thrusting pretty hard. (Pegging is also great motivation for doing pilates. Just saying.)

5) On his side

This one can be a little tricky, but it’s worth it. He lies on his side on the bed and brings his upper knee to his chest. Both his hip and knee are bent at 90 degrees. Put a pillow under his knee, and straddle his lower leg. It won’t work for all folks- if he’s a lot bigger than you, you might have trouble reaching. But it’s super relaxing for him and it’s often a good choice for men with injuries or other mobility limitations.

So there you have it. Five great positions for pegging and anal intercourse. We have a lot more suggestions and tips in our book, so if you want to make pegging even more fun, grab a copy and see what fun you can get up to!

Charlie

Charlie

I'm a writer, blogger, teacher, workshop facilitator, sex & relationship coach, and a certified somatic sex educator. I teach workshops and seminars on many different sexuality topics, including sex-positivity, sex & shame, communities of erotic affiliation, many different sexual practices, gender & masculinity, and sexual politics. Contact me for more information, to arrange a speaking engagement, or to find out how I can help you create an amazing sex life.

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February 25, 2013

Think Harnesses Are Just For Women? Check Out The Deuce Harness For Men!

Filed under: Toy Reviews — Tags: , , , , — Charlie @ 11:44 am

A Harness for Men?

Most folks assume that the only people wearing strap-on dildos are women and transgender men. And while it’s true that those are probably the most likely harness users, cisgender men can also wear harnesses. But until SpareParts HardWear came out with the Deuce, there weren’t many options. Yes, some guys managed to use some other strap-ons, but they weren’t well designed for their anatomy and they weren’t all that successful. Fortunately, that’s now changed.

The Deuce’s design gives you a lot of options for sexy fun. The pouch is shaped like a jockstrap so you can keep your penis inside, if you like. That makes it a great choice for men who have erection difficulties, which is pretty common after having prostate surgery to treat cancer. It’s also a fantastic option when your partner prefers a different size than your own penis. I recently worked with a couple who both enjoyed anal intercourse, but his penis was too big for comfort. So they decided to try using a harness with a smaller dildo. I wasn’t sure whether they were planning on using it instead of his penis or as a warm-up to make intercourse easier, but either way, they were excited to have a new way to have fun.

Double Penetration Fun

Where the Deuce really shines, though, is in double penetration. Most folks who enjoy simultaneous vaginal and anal intercourse have had to arrange threesomes. But that’s not something everyone wants to do. Besides, while it can be fun, the positions that work for that are somewhat limited since you’re trying to fit three bodies together. With the Deuce, the guy wearing it slips his penis through the lower ring and wears a dildo in the upper one. If his partner is facing him, his penis will be in her ass and the dildo will be in her vagina. Facing the other way reverses that.

This combination lets you get into positions that a DP in a threesome can’t quite manage because you only have to fit two bodies together. You also get the dildo and his cock moving in unison, which rarely happens for long in a threesome. Of course, you have many more choices in size and shape when picking a dildo. (The Charm is awesome for this, by the way.) And lastly, the guy wearing the Deuce can feel the dildo against the shaft of his cock when thrusting, so there’s a lot of added pleasure for him.

Great For Sex With Erection Difficulties

If you’re thinking of checking out the Deuce because of erection difficulties, you might want to read the article Restoration of Satisfying Sex for a Castrated Cancer Patient with Complete Impotence: A Case Study. I know- it’s a terrible title. But the article has some really amazing stuff to offer. It details the story of a man who had a radical prostatectomy to treat prostate cancer and had complete erectile dysfunction afterward. For many men, this is a temporary situation, but for this fellow, it was permanent. At first, he resisted the idea of using a dildo and harness, but eventually gave it a try. While he was using it with his wife, she put some lube on her hand and stroked his cock as he thrust in and out. In his words:

There was little sensory difference between this act and intercourse—my penis was not in her vagina but it did not know that. It was in a wet, warm place being firmly mechanically stimulated. My hindbrain took over, and I carried the act through to orgasm, to the sexual satisfaction of both my partner and myself.

That’s pretty amazing and offers hope to a lot of men who have temporary or permanent erection difficulties for any reason, including health issues, stress, or having already had an ejaculatory orgasm. While this couple made it work before the Deuce was available, I’m willing to bet that they’d enjoy the Deuce more since it’s a better design for this use.

And can I just say that using a strap-on can be really freeing for guys? It takes a fair bit of practice and attention to have intercourse for a lot of us because we have to manage our stimulation and arousal. Too much and we ejaculate before we (or our partners) want. Too little and our erections might get softer than we need for penetration. Unless we use a medication like Viagra, most men are paying at least some attention to those competing challenges. When you use a dildo, you don’t have to think about that at all, which lets you focus entirely on giving your partner lot of pleasure.

I’m not saying that we should stop having intercourse the “regular” way or that we should assume that our partners want intercourse for hours. But you might be really surprised at how freeing it is to be able to please your partner without needing to think about anything else at the same time. Besides, if you enjoy being pegged, it’s pretty amazing to see what it’s like on the other side of the harness.

A Few Tips For Using The Deuce

  • Pick a dildo without testicles. You need to fit the base just above your penis, so you’ll want a toy with a round base, not with balls.
  • Make sure your partner is warmed up before trying double penetration. You’ll need to start off even more carefully than usual since there’s a lot happening all at once.
  • If you pull out completely, be sure to not let the dildo and your penis come into contact with each other since that could transmit lube and bacteria from her ass to her vagina- a big no-no! If they do touch, simply change the condom on whichever one is going into her vagina.
  • It’s much easier to get the dildo through the ring if you put a condom on it since that lubricates the shaft and lets the ring slip on.

So there you have it. The Deuce gives you a lot of options you probably didn’t even know existed. Double penetration without having to sift through OKCupid for another partner, more choices in size and positions, intercourse without an erection- the Deuce makes them all possible. And it’s machine washable, super comfortable, and is really well designed.

If you want to pick one up, head over to Good Vibrations and pick one up. While you’re there, be sure to check out the dildos and lubricants. They’ve got lots of great ones to choose from!

Charlie

Charlie

I'm a writer, blogger, teacher, workshop facilitator, sex & relationship coach, and a certified somatic sex educator. I teach workshops and seminars on many different sexuality topics, including sex-positivity, sex & shame, communities of erotic affiliation, many different sexual practices, gender & masculinity, and sexual politics. Contact me for more information, to arrange a speaking engagement, or to find out how I can help you create an amazing sex life.

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January 15, 2013

Looking For A Realistic Dildo? Check out VixSkin

Filed under: Toy Reviews — Tags: , , — Charlie @ 8:08 am

Plenty of folks like realistic dildos for their prostate play, and there are lots of options out there. Maybe it’s the extra bit of life-like appearance that makes the fantasy work. Maybe it’s the shape of the head as it slides across the prostate. But when it comes to finding a dildo that looks and feels as much like a penis as possible, you can’t do better than VixSkin dildos from Vixen Creations.

VixSkin is 100% silicone, so just like other silicone toys, it’s easy to clean. Soap and hot water does a great job, and if you want to take it even further, wash it and then put it in boiling water for five minutes or the top rack of a dishwasher. VixSkin is non-porous, body-safe, and hypoallergenic. But what really makes it an amazing material is the texture.

Silicone dildos are made by pouring the liquid silicone into a mold and then pulling them out after it sets. That gives them a consistent texture throughout the entire length of the toy. VixSkin is made the same way, but there’s a firmer inner core that’s then put in a mold for a second time and coated with a softer outer layer. When you squeeze the shaft with your hand, it has a texture much more like a penis than any other dildo on the market. Plus, the head of the toy is almost entirely made from the softer layer, so it has that same squishy feel that penises have. Not only is that more realistic, it’s also more comfortable during deep penetration.

Buck 6″ x 2″

Outlaw 8-½” x 2″

 

VixSkin dildos are more flexible than most other silicone toys. That add some extra realism, and it also makes pegging a little easier since the dildo flexes when you shift positions. A really firm dildo can feel great, but if you’re not at just the right angle, it can poke. That extra bit of bendability can make a big difference.

Another advantage of VixSkin is that the softer texture makes anal penetration easier. If you’re new to anal play, you might find these dildos a great way to start. And if you get turned on by playing with larger toys, VixSkin’s extra give makes them easier to accommodate. Heads up, though- the extra flexibility can make them a little trickier to use in a harness, at least until you get used to it.

The only downside to VixSkin is that silicone lubricants can damage the material. So use a water-based lube or cover your toy with a condom, all the way over the base.

You can get VixSkin in a variety of sizes and colors, though they mostly come in an approximation three different skin tones. The Vixen website offers all of the available choices, and you can get lots of them at stores like Good Vibrations. Because of the extra steps in manufacturing, they do cost a bit more than some other options, but if you want something that looks amazing and feels fantastic, they’re definitely worth it. And even if you don’t care about the realism factor, the texture and the flexibility are major pluses. So pick one up today and see for yourself why these toys truly are “worth every inch.”

Charlie

Charlie

I'm a writer, blogger, teacher, workshop facilitator, sex & relationship coach, and a certified somatic sex educator. I teach workshops and seminars on many different sexuality topics, including sex-positivity, sex & shame, communities of erotic affiliation, many different sexual practices, gender & masculinity, and sexual politics. Contact me for more information, to arrange a speaking engagement, or to find out how I can help you create an amazing sex life.

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October 24, 2012

Charm: The Perfect Pegging Dildo

Filed under: Toy Reviews — Tags: , , , — Charlie @ 9:25 am

Charm Silicone Dildo: Great for PeggingI think it’s really great that more male/female couples are exploring pegging. Strap-on harnesses & dildos are a really sexy way to explore prostate play and they leave the giver’s hands free for all sorts of other fun.

The tricky thing is that a lot of dildos that are slim enough to work well for anal and prostate play tend to be too short to work well in a harness. Either they slip out of the receiver too easily or they end up poking into the prostate rather than gliding along it. Ouch! So when Pleasure Works came out with the Charm Silicone Dildo, I knew they had a winner.

The Charm comes in two sizes: 5 3/4″ x 1″ (14.6cm x 2.5cm) and 7″ x 1 1/4″ (17.8cm x 3.2cm). That makes it not much wider than a couple of fingers, so it’s really easy for most men to accommodate. The length makes sure that you get that gliding sensation without accidentally jabbing the prostate with the tip. It also means you can get a solid in-and-out thrusting going without accidentally pulling all the way out. So the Charm works great for the giver and the receiver!

The Charm has enough of a curve to make it easy to reach the prostate. Just angle it towards the belly button of the guy on the receiving end. That means, have the curve pointing up if he’s on his back and pointing down if he’s on his hands and knees. And the base is shaped like an oval (you can’t see it in the picture), so it fits in harnesses even better than the usual circular bases. All in all, the Charm is a fantastic!

Want an extra thrill? Insert the Charm by hand and hold an electric vibrator like the Hitachi Magic Wand up against it. The silicone will transmit the vibration all the way up the shaft! Or slide the Charm in and out with your hand during oral sex or while using your other hand on his penis. It’s a really versatile toy.

Cleaning the Charm is simple. It’s made from non-porous, hypoallergenic, body-safe silicone so you can wash it with hot water and soap. If you want to take it a bit further, after you wash it, put it in boiling water for five minutes or the top rack of a dishwasher.

If you’re looking for a fantastic dildo for prostate pleasure, especially pegging, get the Charm Silicone Dildo. Excellent design, easy to clean, and sure to put a smile in his face!

Charlie

Charlie

I'm a writer, blogger, teacher, workshop facilitator, sex & relationship coach, and a certified somatic sex educator. I teach workshops and seminars on many different sexuality topics, including sex-positivity, sex & shame, communities of erotic affiliation, many different sexual practices, gender & masculinity, and sexual politics. Contact me for more information, to arrange a speaking engagement, or to find out how I can help you create an amazing sex life.

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